oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
