last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize