they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
