Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
too bad you live with your parents still
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
