Are we in a gay sports bar?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize