I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
