She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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