I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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