So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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