Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And then he peed in my hair
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
