rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
