I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
