There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
