maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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