Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I did not marry a roomba.
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