her vagina looked like bernie madoff
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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