Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
