She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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