Heybabeimwearingurpanties
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
