So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
