if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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