Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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