Please don't use social media to get back at me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
