nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
