Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
