Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
please come you make the beer taste better
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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