I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
