he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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