I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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