Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
