I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Operation Purity has been aborted
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
