Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
