so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
