i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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