i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
