distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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