He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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