Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize