Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
