I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
