Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
