so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
