I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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