honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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