new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
