oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
