this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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