ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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