Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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