Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
