If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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