She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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