wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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