i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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