white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
