My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
