you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
