i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I just shit out all my problems.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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