Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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