i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
