Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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