Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
