so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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