I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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