ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
