You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
