i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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