I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
