UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize