when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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