Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
