I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
