Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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