Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
