I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
