He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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