u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
