those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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