that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
