nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
