Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
