there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
