My liver just broke up with me...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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