my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
two words...techno handjob
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
